I'm still feeling miserable even if it's the holidays... Here's something I'm doing to cheer myself up.

Usually people do things like this during Lantern Festival, but I think this is a good time. After all, I could use some warmth, it's actually quite cold today. I haven't made any candles for a long time. I always got a lot of help too, this time I can manage the whole thing on my own.

Surprisingly, for the eight (it's probably wrong but no other number sounds right even though it would've meant that too many things seem to have happened that year) years that I've had this kit, I never used the cone. That's strange, I vaguely remember making a cone shaped candle before.

It took me a while to get this colour, and my hand is all blue from handling the crayons. The whole candle is green. A bit plain, I guess. It should be ready tomorrow.

Luckily, I didn't get lost on the way to the Entertainment Centre. I arrived early even if I took a wrong turn or two. The rehearsal didn't take too long, but it didn't help that I don't like noisy and crowded places. Needless to say, that made me feel nervous, but once I got to the seats it was better. All that changing seats trouble was actually quite funny.

As planned, I went to the Thursday class to make up for not going on Monday. It's not so perfect timing after all, because the double figure wasn't dry enough to be bisque fired with the last batch, so I couldn't glaze it. The tall figure came out fine at long last (it was what I did right at the beginning of the term, and I'm only just getting it back now, right at the end of the term), but there's a part that was a bit brown. Burnt, may be. The hands covering the face makes it look like that it's crying. At first, it might've been crying because it was scared of the (relatively) huge mouse, and then because the glaze cracked, and now it's because it has a burnt shoulder. xD

It's good that I didn't go on Monday. Both classes are having their end-of-term party, but the Thursday class brought more food. The Monday class had more men and apparently most of them brought beer or wine. xD As for the Thursday class, the food was great. There was chocolate cake, fruit cake, cream puffs, spring rolls and a cheese platter. It was kind of awkward to start with - I joined the class for the last lesson of the term, and I didn't bring any food, and I ate so much. Luckily, the people in this class were friendly. Since I didn't really have anything to do, I made a mouse with the leftover clay that I had from a week or two before, and of course the mouse is after the cheese platter. It was good that I made another mouse, otherwise I would've been there just to distract everyone else. The people in this class are older than the ones in the Monday class. They were more than three times my age so I stood out a lot. I ended up telling them why I didn't go on Monday, and they all went like "4 unit maths? That's a lot! How do you manage to have time for anything else?" I told them that I won't be able to go back to the Monday class and I can't join this one either, so one of them said "make sure you come back when you finish year 12".

As for speech night... Taking the train at 6 pm was not a good idea - it was so crowded on the train that there was barely enough space to stand, and of course I hate crowds. Surprisingly, it didn't make me nervous. Once I got there it was alright. It's good that there were words for all the songs - I didn't know any of them!

Now that I know what I got for my maths extension 2 assessment, I feel even more guilty about not going to sculpture on Monday. It's weird. I know I'll get to go tomorrow instead, so why do I still feel bad about it?

I think I'm becoming obsessed about the sculpture class. Then again, it started when I started having to go to maths extension 2 on Tuesday mornings. Am I just obsessed with it because of the timetable mess that I now have?

Come to think of it, may be I should quit maths extension 2 instead. Given my assessment results, I might as well drop it now so I can keep going to my sculpture class? All that joking about how ironic it is for me to do maths extension 2, may be I really shouldn't be doing extension 2. (Not that I should be a scientist like someone said either, but then that's an established joke ever since I brought it back to school. Why did I do that? Hey, that came from the same place that this whole thing started too...)

No, I'm just saying it. I don't think I even like my sculpture class that much. Definitely not so much that I'd quit a subject at school because of it. (Does that mean I like maths enough to quit sculpture for it? I don't like maths that much, but then if I like maths enough to do extension 2... Ahh! I started another circle trap for myself.)

I'm glad that it'll all be over tomorrow after I go and finish off the last of what I've started. This circle of trouble needs to end. I think it's actually affecting my other subjects too. I'm feeling bad about this all the time. I didn't even worry about my assessments. I don't even feel that bad about the results even if they aren't that good.

Why am I worrying about sculpture when I have so much work to do this holiday? Let's see... Physics worksheets and summary, chemistry dot points, English past papers and other questions, heaps of economics worksheets... Ahhh!!!

I know that I'll manage to get everything done with perfect timing. May be that's why I don't worry about my school work and end up going around in circles instead.

At long last... I've finished all my assessments for this term. I've skipped sculpture class yesterday because I couldn't risk being tired today, not when I had an assessment starting at 7. It just doesn't feel right, even if I'm going to go on Thursday instead. I know it would've been more inappropriate for me to go though.

At long last... I've taken the half-finished basket that I'll never have a chance to work on at school from my locker.

At long last... I've finished that basket. I've been planning it during the last holiday, and now it's almost the holidays again and I've only just finished it. I know, not very efficient. Since I have to take it home even if I haven't finished it at school, I have to stitch it together with needle and thread, no sewing machine. I'm so bad at using the sewing machine that I should probably have just did that right from the beginning anyway. From here it almost looks fine, but it's not.

See? I've got the measurements all wrong. The frame is too short. It flops. Everything I do ends up like that. Really, read the back posts and there'll be an entry on something that I've got all wrong. I can't measure anything right. I can't count. I get all my numbers wrong. I probably won't get around to making a new frame. May be I'll try to extend this one, but I know it'll end up being so fragile that I shouldn't bother.

OK, here's something more positive. I like being the one with the camera all the time so I always get the group photos.

YAY!!! I've figured out a way around my circle of worries! I can go to the Thursday class next week instead of the Monday class. That way, I can finish what I've started, and I don't have to worry about falling asleep during my maths assessment. It's perfect timing for me after all. I guess the only downside is that I didn't say goodbye to my class last week and I'll never see them again. Oh well, I don't even know them that well.

The physics assessment that I had today was the least of my worries, and it turned out to be alright except that I misunderstood the instructions and it was really obvious. I was so embarrassed that I almost wanted to run away, but at least I caught my mistake in time and I managed to do the right thing and still finished on time. It was really humiliating, but at least it didn't make me feel as bad as the time when the train station guard yelled at me...

Having done the economics assessment today, my arm was sore from all that writing. I didn't even write that much, only four pages. I don't think I covered everything either.

It doesn't help that it's a Monday. Hollowing out the double figure today should've been the perfect timing if I want to finish everything this term. I managed to finish hollowing out the double figure, but my arm is even more sore from all that digging.

I got my mouse back too. Meet Mouldy Mouse! I was expecting it to be a lighter blue-grey colour (I obviously don't know anything about glazes xD), but it came out to be this dark grey with green bits. Still a good colour for a mouse, it must've been in the cheese. At least Mouldy Mouse is coming out a lot better than the tall figure.

The glaze on the tall figure cracked. Apparently, I must've had greasy hands. If anything, my hands are really dry! How could I have greasy hands? The tall figure will probably be fired without glaze since I've put more glaze on it and it cracked again.

Only one more lesson to go. I think everything will work out right.

Well, may be not. The others in the class are planning to have a party next week. How nice, I have an assessment starting at 7 on next Tuesday, and there's going to be a party in my sculpture class. As if I don't already feel guilty enough about going to my sculpture class even if I have an assessment on the next day! Now there's going to be a party. No matter how prepared for the assessment I might be, it just feels wrong to be out at a party on the evening before the assessment. But I have to go, because I have to glaze the double figure.

See, everyone else is probably worried about their assessments, but I'm not. I'm just stuck in this guilt trap. If I go, I'll feel guilty because it's just wrong to be at a party when there's an assessment on the next day. If I don't go, I feel guilty about not finishing what I started, especially since I'm not going back next term.

Well, I've kind of came up with a way around this.

I'm not worried about my maths assessment.
I'm worried about the sculpture class.
But I'm worried about the sculpture class because of the maths assessment.
Therefore, I'm just worried about the maths assessment.
But I said I'm not worried about my maths assessment.
Therefore, I'm not worried about anything at all. xD

Point Zero day was quite pointless. It's just the same things that we hear once or twice every year. It was good to not have to work for a day though.

Somehow the assembly today was really noisy. The "Aussie Oi Oi Oi" cheer at the end was so loud, and the hall was so crowded. I took this photo before the assembly. By the time it was opening of the common room, I was so nervous that I started acting confused.

At the beginning of lunch time it was still raining, so I had to stay inside the noisy and crowded common room, and it doesn't help me calm down. During lunch time, there was a fire alarm and we had to go outside in the rain. Normally I would've been taking photos of everyone standing in the rain, but I was still so nervous and panicky that I just stood there and did nothing. There was the saying that it was someone lighting a candle indoors that triggered the smoke alarm, but apparently it was actually rainwater short circuiting the fire alarm. After the whole fire alarm thing, it was still raining, so the only place to go to was the noisy common room. I tried not to let the nervousness get to me, so I focused on picking out the fact that the usage of "thy" and "thee" in the common room commandments seemed to be swapped around instead.

In the session after lunch, I managed to calm down, but I was really tired. I took a photo of the police youth liason officer demonstrating putting handcuffs on someone.

After that, there was extension 2 maths. Somehow, I wasn't too tired by then. One lesson earlier on this term, the teacher showed some "happy face maths" to the class, and I came up with a few of my own, and I drew them out and showed her, and she took the page out of my sketch book. Like, "Oh wow! I'm taking that." and she pulled the page out. This teacher is so bold. First it was going through my pencil case, and now this. Oh well, I'll just draw it out again.

If Siu Bo didn't die, she'd be 9 today.

Just posting this so I can see that I still remember it.

I glazed my mouse and the tall figure today. I've almost finished the double figure too, so I can hollow it next week, and it'll be bisque fired and ready for glazing on week 9, and then I'll leave early. Perfect timing!

The sandpaper isn't doing much for my mouse's tail, so my little mouse will just have to have a tail without a tip... At least it has a tail, unlike some of the clay mice that I've made years and years ago which invariably lost their tails after a while...

You know there's something wrong with your chemistry class when... you learn more chemistry from your sculpture class than from your chemistry class.

Just kidding, my chemistry classes are nowhere near that bad. Look at this mouse. I want it to be a blue-grey colour, so here it is, with the blue glaze. Looks too pink to be blue, doesn't it? Apparently, the cobalt carbonate (which makes it blue) needs some iron oxide (that's what makes it look pink now) to balance out so it's not so bright blue, and it'll be the blue-grey colour I want after firing.

As for this white one, I think it has titanium oxide or something like that in it? I know there's silica (silicon dioxide) and feldspar in all the glazes. The feldspar is supposed to lower the melting point. See? There's so much chemistry in this. I guess this will be plenty of motivation for me to work hard in chemistry. May be this will even give me a good start in one of the topics coming up? As if I'd be that lucky! Even if it doesn't, who cares? This is fun! I can always do with the extra motivation. This also makes me notice more about chemistry from a different perspective, and this will probably help me better than any kind of tutoring. Well, at least it'll help me understand things better.

This class is great. I'm not worried about anything now. Not even about probably having to quit this class next term.

It's surprising how unwell I can get just because of my mood. Being upset really drains a lot of energy, and I was tired enough the way I was... I ended up collapsing during the first maths lesson on Friday, which means I missed the second maths lesson. I'll probably collapse again when I see how much catching up I'll have to do.

Well, may be not, considering that if I collapse on Monday I won't be able to go to my sculpture class, and then I'll be even more upset and get even more unwell. I mustn't miss another lesson, otherwise I won't be able to finish everything even if I go on week 9.

That was all I've been worrying about to begin with. I think it was the maths assessment notices that made me start this - trying to decide whether to miss the lesson on week 9 just so I won't be tired on the day of the assessment is not a good idea! I might've been worrying about the maths assessment to start with, but I was much more worried about finishing off my sculpture, especially since I really doubt that I'll go back next term. Having something on Monday evening followed by having to get up extra early on Tuesday is just too much for me, and more importantly, I want to try something else anyway. Glass beads for beginners seems interesting, and I think there'll be a class on Tuesday evening. I want to go back to the fabric class too, if it's not cancelled again. (Well that's on Monday too, so it's out of question, unless I try to make up an excuse to never turn up to Tuesday house time and go to the afternoon class xD)

I think I felt guilty about worrying about the sculpture class: I don't think I was worried about the maths at all. Why was I so worried about a class that I won't even continue next term?

Just having something to look forward to makes all the difference. I'm not worried now. Tomorrow will be fine. I'll go to my sculpture class and try to finish everything off. I'll try not to tell either teacher about what's going on. You know how in the song "This Land Is Your Land" there's a line that goes "but on the other side it didn't say nothing"? On the other side, I won't say nothing. Well, it should be "anything", not "nothing" - that's a double negative. Isn't it just like me to pick out this kind of thing? xD

Well, may be I'm not my usual self - since when did I become like this? I was never someone to worry about anything. I used to be the one who never does any extracurricular activities too, but now I can't imagine not doing one.